Dabbling in dating again

My husband took his own life one year, one month, and 4 days ago.

About 6 weeks ago, I signed up for a couple of dating apps, just to test the waters and see how this stuff worked.

My husband and I met through friends. At a party. Seriously, is that ever anyone’s story anymore? We had friends back then who met online, but then lied about how they met because that was so new and awkward at the time.

But now? Swipe left, swipe right, swipe up, down, and around. And all I have is a picture, plus maybe 1-2 lines.

I’m supposed to date through apps this way? This sucks!

I met someone I did connect with. He wrote way more than 1-2 lines on his profile. (So did I.) I found him very attractive. I think we are not out of each other’s leagues.

We are taking it incredibly slow. We have been in contact for 3 weeks. We talked on the phone once recently. Maybe we’ll talk again. He’s nice and flirty and accomplished and smart. He has a little boy the same age as my little girl.

If this turns into something, cool. If not, that’s OK, too. It will have been a fantastic foray into online dating for a novice.

If I never find someone else to partner with, if I never fall in love ever again, if I never remarry…

If I never remarry, I see my life stretching out in front of me… in such awesome glory. I just started my own business after working to make someone else rich for 15+ years. Maybe I’ll do this new thing for 15 years. If so, that would put me at age 57. Our generation will probably live to about 100. That means I could start a third career at 57 and do that for yet another 15 years. Probably something in art. Selling my own, or opening a gallery.

I could start a non-profit arm of my existing business. I could travel anywhere I wanted to. If my daughter settled in another country or another state, I could visit her there often. I could get a PhD in something frivolous… or something not-frivolous, but that’s not as much fun.

I could go into space.

Hey, don’t laugh! I’m serious! It’s commercially available now, though cost-prohibitive for me at a quarter of a million. But it won’t always be cost-prohibitive, either because I’ll make the money or the costs will come down in the next generation – a combination of both, even better. I want to feel weightlessness and see the earth from beyond its atmosphere.

So no sweat. This guy seems nice. But if it goes anywhere, he’s going to have to make room – a lot of room, maybe! – for me.