I hope there’s no afterlife

Posted on April 22, 2017. Filed under: grief, Suicide | Tags: , , |

My husband had considered suicide a few times over the last 25 years. What always stopped him was thinking, “What if it’s exactly the same after you die?” Might as well stay here and soldier through it. 

I don’t believe in any afterlife at all. No heaven, no hell. I believe our energy is just released back into the universe, essential particles doing something different than they did when they made up us. That the spiritual sides of ourselves follow the equivalent of the physical sides of ourselves after death. This gives me great comfort to believe it’s just a natural cycle for what we know to be our souls. 

But everyone around me is talking about getting signs from beyond and feeling his presence and his soul doing this or doing that. It’s actually somewhat upsetting to me. Because my #1 concern is that if it’s true that our souls are intact after death, he’s struggling and in pain and alone. 

I haven’t felt his presence. I’m glad for that. I really do hope everyone’s “signs” are just coincidences and that my husband just doesn’t exist anymore and that the pain truly is over.


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