Desperate self care

Posted on April 11, 2017. Filed under: Health | Tags: , , |

I have:

  • A therapist appointment every Wednesday afternoon
  • Group grief therapy every Thursday night (starting soon)
  • Acupuncture every Friday
  • Massage and facial every month
  • Guided meditation every night

That doesn’t include the week-long silent retreat (Buddhist Vipassana) that I’m considering, or the wellness weekend program at Esalen in Big Sur. I’m going to OD on self care.

The sad part is that I haven’t had any self care in a long time. Some years. Our daughter wasn’t really out of the woods until she was 2, and those 2 years meant extreme diligence in her diet, sleep training, and at-home and office-based orthopedic exercises and conditioning to ensure her health was on the right path after her birth stroke. After her clean bill of health from the pediatric neurologist and developmental pediatrician at 24 months, I shifted to focusing on my husband’s depression and extreme diligence in researching care options, medication (sooo confusing, by the way), monitoring of side effects and every other Sisyphus-tinged thing you can think of.

My sister in law gave me a gift certificate for a spa as a birthday or Christmas present some 3 or 4 years ago that I haven’t used. She still asks me about it. How could I tell her all those years that I literally could not get out of the house to drive all the way to the spa?

I was unable to seek medical care for my own post-partum depression, which luckily resolved once I stopped nursing after 9 months and my hormone levels got back to normal.

I had to literally plop my kid in front of the TV from 6pm to 8pm for the last 4 months of my husband’s life while we tried to figure things out for him. After an exhausting day at work.

Managing an at-risk baby and a husband with mental illness… at the same time… and when their needs were sometimes in conflict… oh, and having a executive level position at my firm was… well, I don’t know what it was because I just got through it.

But hell if I don’t take every last bit of self care NOW.



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