A note on managing other people’s grief: get your own therapist. I’m not it.

Posted on April 11, 2017. Filed under: Suicide | Tags: , |

Ok I wasn’t prepared for this aspect of my husband’s suicide: I’m finding myself in the position of helping others through THEIR grief. They are grappling with anger, asking why, they are confused… and as his wife, I have more “answers” or perspective than anyone else.

But I *hate* it. I’m constantly having to explain or defend him. I wish people would just be respectful – which means, by the way, express sadness with me, console, give condolences and specific offers of help and support, but keep your opinions, judgments, and questions to yourself. If you’re mad at him, confused, whatever, go work that out elsewhere. I am not your therapist, and I owe you nothing.

In the moment, when faced with these judgments of my late husband, I don’t want others thinking so poorly of him, so I feel compelled to correct their assumptions or give them something to think about when they’re being so judgmental.

“I’m so mad he left you and that baby!” Well, he didn’t just do this on a whim. He fought every day to live. He did this because he truly believed this was the ONLY way out of his pain. He truly believed we were better without him, his trauma and demons. He and I disagree on that point, but that doesn’t mean he believed it any less.

If I have to explain this one more time, the next person is going to get their head ripped off.

 

 

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