A new, sad chapter

Posted on March 25, 2017. Filed under: Family | Tags: , , , , , , |

My husband passed away last Wednesday, 3/15. Hm, that’s delicate. Rather: he decided to take his life.

It’s an emotional time, of course. I am now a widow, a single mother to a lovely nearly-4-year-old girl. I was married to his depression as much as I was married to him, so I can’t say with honesty that this outcome hadn’t crossed my mind before. But I never really thought it would come to pass. After all, he had good days as well as bad. Wouldn’t that be enough to keep going?

Apparently not. We needed to give it a little more time to discover the right medication combination and dosage that would get him back on even keel. It just happened to be time he didn’t have.

I thought I knew everything about him. I thought we shared everything. But he didn’t share with me that he purchased a gun two years ago. I’m reeling not just from the loss, but that the trueness of our partnership is now dubious. I feel somewhat foolish, as well as sad, mad, scared, alone, and uncertain.

 

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