Marriage is good for you.

Link: Three Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married

You’d think this article wasn’t for me. First, for years, I was anti-marriage. Didn’t need it, didn’t care. Still don’t reallythough I do consider myself happily married. I like to think I would be happily partnered even if I weren’t married. Second, I’m atheist, and it’s a Christian publication. But I can still find value in the main messages, regardless of the packaging.

The article from Relevant Magazine has some excellent points that I can vouch for in my own experience. I would prefer it replaced marriage with partnership, and we should acknowledge that the concepts presented in the article should be interchangeable for either spouse, and applicable to straight as well as same-sex couples.

1. [Partnership] isn’t about living happily ever after, but more about having someone to trust with our dysfunction.

“I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life—that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.”

2. The more you give to a [partnership], the more it gives back.

“Notably, on the days my wife genuinely felt valued, I observed her advocating for me to invest deeply in to my work. She no longer saw our relationship and my career pursuits as competitors for my attention, and as she partnered with me in my career, I have experienced the benefits of having the closest person in my life champion me.”

3.[Partnership] can change the world.

“The point is that marriage has a higher goal than to make two people happy or even whole. Yes, the investment we make into our marriage pays dividends for us. But, concluded by Medina and his colleagues, the same investment also has significant implications for our family, our community and eventually our culture.”

* * * * *

My husband and I write down annual goals each year (we avoid the term “New Year’s Resolutions”), and we mostly hit them year over year. In the coming year, with Baby on the way, we each added the goal that we would continue to prioritize our relationship while awaiting Baby’s arrival, and once Baby comes. We’ll see how it goes.


Now this is a *BIG* no-no

I nearly lost it last night.

My husband ate all my ice cream.



The big things vs the little things

I’m feeling the pressure.

My husband and I have very different approaches to preparing for Baby. His goals have centered around getting our finances and estate planning in order, resolving debt, increasing savings, determining who should take our kids if anything should happen to us, etc. I have almost exclusively been concentrating on how my day to day life is going to change and the emotional shifts come March/April, like breastfeeding, where the baby will sleep, what items we need, how to condition our kitty cat to the new baby, etc.

My husband has always said he didn’t want to talk about the Little Things until the third trimester. I couldn’t help but think about the Little Things throughout the pregnancy, and feeling lost because I didn’t know the answers and I didn’t really have anyone to help me sort through it. I’ve tried to do as much reading as possible, but what happens is I’m inundated with information, much of it conflicting or offering up ALL options rather than a few, and the result is I’m still as lost as I was before I started reading.

Well, after the long wait, the third trimester is here. My husband and I start talking nursery, diaper service, and freezing meals tonight during our weekly talk. Hooray! …except now I’m a little nervous. I hope he doesn’t expect me to have all the Little Things figured out, like he had many of the Big Things figured out.

I’ve narrowed things down a bit, I have some resources I like, but – for example – our first foray into paying attention to Little Things this past weekend (looking for and buying a rocking chair) was a miserable failure. I had a few gliders in mind that I wanted to check out, but the stores didn’t really stock them. They’re available online, which is fine, but I’ve got to at least try them out in person first! I don’t want to buy something that big blindly and have to think about how to return or exchange it. And there are certain features that I’m looking for per Consumer Reports recommendations that aren’t described online, so I’d have to actually check it out in person. So… for this one Little Thing of buying a rocking chair/ glider, it’s turned into this big production! How on earth are we supposed to figure out a crib, much less what bottle nipples to stock up on???