How adoption can reset your view about biological children

Posted on December 27, 2012. Filed under: Adoption, Parenting | Tags: , , , , |

I came across this piece written by a mother who tried to conceive in her 30s, experienced difficulty, went through the adoption process, then became pregnant. She noted:

You can have a child. As soon as we brought Emily home, we felt it was meant to be. With an adopted child, it’s less narcissistic: You aren’t always looking for ways they are or aren’t like you. She gets to be her own separate person. Having Emily has helped me see my son the same way. Instead of “How is he like me?” it’s “How can I help him grow to be his best?”

I think that’s a beautiful concept! I really like it. I will probably have a tendency to look for similarities in the little one I’m carrying between my husband and me. We opted for conceiving first, adoption second, given my age. But I do like the idea of loving and getting to know a child on his or her personality and preferences alone, without any preconceptions about how the child would/could/should be because they carry our genes.

Still, I look forward to shaping an adopted child, and finding that they learn positive things from me and my husband – more of the nurture side than nature side.


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