I can’t tell whether it’s my heightened sensitivity since suffering a miscarriage, or if in fact, everyone has suddenly become ridiculously fertile. There’s baby news everywhere I turn!
- A good high school friend just announced she’s having a boy.
- A former coworker gave birth on December 17.
- My sister-in-law gave birth in October.
- My ex-boyfriend and his wife had a baby just before Christmas.
- Another good friend had her first, a girl, in November.
Not to mention celebrities (yes, I pay attention to that stuff): Kate Hudson (aged 31), Victoria Beckham (36), Natalie Portman (29), Alicia Silverstone (34), Jewel (36), etc etc.
How nice for all these people (and I mean that). I guess I am still a little hurt and disappointed that I’m not still carrying a little one myself. There’s so much joy around children and especially newborns. I wonder if it will happen for me. I turn 36 in August.
I’m recovering emotionally just fine, I think, although a condolence note sent to me by a family member sent me into a new stream of tearfulness. We’re not trying or not not trying; I’m just opting not to be consumed by getting pregnant again.
It can be difficult when everyone’s got baby fever, or when day-to-day life just catches up to you. For example, my husband and I had decided when I was pregnant that we would need to buy a car. We had planned on doing research through the holidays and start test driving in January. We went on our first test drives today, and afterwards, I was struck by thoughts such as, “Why are we doing this? Isn’t it pointless? Do we even need a new car without a little one?” I became sad and was beset with uncertainty and indecision.
So, I will of course have to continue to take it one day at a time. What else can I do? Time passing has helped, but I wish I knew what the future held. Will I get pregnant again? Will it be soon or take ages? What does this new year hold for me and my family?